Letting go is so freaking hard; whether that be people, feelings, dreams, tangible objects… I don’t think it is ever easy. I recently saw a post on Tumblr that spoke about how letting go of toxicity is not as fun and cleansing as a lot of popular media presents it to be. Most likely when you make the decision to finally cut a person out it’s going to feel like swallowing a giant boulder. You’re going to wake up to the reminder of their absence and have to remind yourself why you needed to let them go, you’re going to go to bed at night with a racing heart and replay every single moment again in your head trying to figure out the truth. There’s not always going to be definite answers on why the relationship made you feel so awful and that’s just going to be something you have to accept. Letting go of people is always hard, no matter what the conditions of the relationship were.
My best friend sent me a quote today that talked about how sometimes toxic people aren’t malicious or out to get you and sometimes they are only toxic because of the way they process things and go about life. What may seem small to them is extremely difficult for you and that causes them to invalidate your feelings and lead you to being closed-off and unwilling to share how you’re actually feeling. While you prefer to spend quality time they like going out with friends and this turns into them leaving you alone and you feeling abandoned and like you’re a second option for them. Neither of these mindsets are inherently wrong. They just clash in a way that causes the other to feel like they can’t be themselves, and it turns into an uphill battle on who is right and who is wrong. Nobody is right or wrong, though. They are just trying to be happy.
These lessons don’t come easy. They come at the expense of emotional energy, ruined relationships and a lot of pain. People react to anger and hurt differently and there’s no correct way to respond to these situations. For me, I need people who are going to look out for me and listen to me. When I am in pain the first thing I want to do is be around my mom, sisters and best friends. It’s so important to invest in those who fill you up after cutting people out– you have to remember that happy and mutually-beneficial relationships are so possible and that just because something didn’t work out doesn’t mean that you aren’t deserving of that. It’s all about growing and being mindful of others, but also yourself. If you aren’t happy when giving pieces of yourself to someone then it is never going to make you feel good. Find people who want to understand your emotions and love you through the hard times. Those are the one’s worth keeping around.
Note: Shout-out to the special person who showed me this song. Your intentional listening and encouragement means more than you know.